


Tumblr User:

by millionreasons



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Bisexual Harry Potter, Fluff and Crack, Gay Draco Malfoy, HP: EWE, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Multi, Polyamorous Characters, ace neville, aro neville, voldemort doesn't return
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 08:16:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6746344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millionreasons/pseuds/millionreasons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco Malfoy runs a Harry Potter hate blog.<br/>Harry Potter is really annoyed with the Harry Potter hate blog.<br/>Ron Weasley doesn't understand blogs, but his girlfriend, Lavender does and so does her girlfriend, Parvati. <br/>Hermione and Pansy are just chilling, tagging each other in pictures of cats and memes. <br/>Ginny and Luna want to play matchmakers.<br/>Neville just wants some peace and quiet with his fucking plants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tumblr User:

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been wanting to write something more lighthearted and fun recently, especially since I adore writing crack fics but my two main fics are a bit heavy for a bunch of jokes. So when tumblr user drarrytrash posted about this prompt, i jumped on it quickly. So that's how we got here.  
> ANYWAYS this is going to be much shorter than my other projects and a lot fluffier as well (eventually) but I hope you enjoy all the same!

Draco kept his head held high as he walked through the crowded streets of Muggle London. Usually, he wouldn’t stoop as low as to come here to do his shopping, but he was in need of certain appliances that weren’t sold in Diagon Alley.

The streets reeked of muggles - well, if they had a specific scent, it would - and Draco had to resist the strong urge to hold his nose in disgust. He knew that would just make him look like a snob, which he was, but he had learned the hard way what being a snob in public might cause. (He certainly didn’t want to turn into a ferret again) 

So he went on his way, weaving between the sea of bodies until he arrived at his destination, a bright white shop that was shaped like a box. And muggles thought wizards were weird. 

He stepped through the glass door, cautious with everything he touched. It all seemed too pristine, like his mother’s china that was strictly for looking at. The house elves weren’t even allowed to polish it, mother did it all by hand once a month and used scouring charms in between. 

And now he was in a shop surrounded by his mother’s prized china, trying desperately hard not to leave his grubby fingerprints of the beautiful products that filled the store. 

“Need some help?” a short, pudgy girl asked. Her eyes were a bit too round and her face a bit too excited, but she seemed friendly enough so Draco nodded. 

“What are you looking for?” she asked, smacking on gum. One of Draco’s pet peeves. He cringed. 

He cleared his throat politely and smiled, “I am in need of a laptop,” he said proudly, pronouncing each word carefully just as he had practiced it at home. 

Pudgy raised an eyebrow, “are you looking for anything specific? Video editing? Photography? Gaming? Streaming?” 

Draco frowned, he didn’t have a practiced answer for this, “internet?” he asked quizzically, using the only vocab word he remembered. Pansy’s crash course was not helping. 

Thankfully, pudgy, or as her name tag read, Rebecca, nodded enthusiastically, “just for casual internet browsing then? I suggest the new Macbook, you look like you’re in school and you can use it for reports and what not, it’s also bloody fast.” 

“Okay,” Draco shrugged. 

“Okay?” 

“I’ll take it,” he said, practically spelling out the words. 

“Just like that?” she asked, furrowing her brows, “no further questions?” 

Draco shook his head and started pulling out wads of notes, “no.” 

Rebecca’s eyes brightened, “what color would you like? We’ve got gold, silver, spacegrey, and rose gold.” 

Draco blinked, “is that even a question?” 

“Rose gold, then?” 

“Of course.” 

* * *

“Hawwi!”

Harry heard the squeal before he saw the tiny body bounding towards him, jumping into his arms. 

“Oof! Hi, Ted!” Harry smiled, hugging his godson tightly. 

Tonks was standing in the doorway, smiling fondly, “he hasn’t had dinner yet, Leah and I fed him a late lunch, though. Let Rem know, yeah?” 

Harry nodded, “no problem, I was just about to make some spaghetti.” 

Teddy’s face lit up, “S’ghetti! My _favorite!”_ “That’s why I’m making it, kiddo,” Harry laughed, ruffling up the small boy’s bright green hair, his favorite color to don as of late. 

“I’ll see you two next Friday,” Tonks said, leaning over to hug and kiss Teddy goodbye, and then doing the same to Harry. 

“See you then!” Harry said, closing the door behind her, leaving him alone with the three year old terror. 

“S’ghetti!” Teddy exclaimed, jumping up and down at Harry’s feet. 

“Alright, alright, I’ll get started on the ‘s’ghetti’ if you go put your bag away and get cleaned up.” 

Teddy scrunched his nose, “just use magic, Hawwi.” 

Harry shook his head, “I already told you, we can’t always use magic. Now move along, your dad and pads will be home soon.” 

Teddy sighed, but relented, trudging his way upstairs with his Frozen backpack in tow. 

Given the moment of silence, Harry took the opportunity to text Sirius. 

_Teddy just got home, cooking dinner right now. Spaghetti :)_

It only took a moment after his message sent that his phone dinged, and Harry was reminded at how oddly technology savvy his godfather truly was. 

_Lovely, we’re bringing home icecream for dessert. Strawberry. Be home in ten._

Harry clicked his phone asleep and sat it back down on the counter, sauntering over to the kitchen where he began to work. Nowadays, he thoroughly enjoyed cooking, without the pressure of the Dursleys on his back he found it therapeutic. Not to mention he was damn good at it, so he tended to do most of the big meals at Grimmauld Place. 

Things were so different now than they were three years ago, he was about to start his seventh year at Hogwarts as head boy, with Ron and Hermione still by his side. He was living with Sirius and Remus who finally got the chance to get married after Sirius’ name was cleared in fourth year, and even better he had a brilliant godson. Tonks offered to surrogate for Sirius and Remus as long as she could have Teddy on the weekends with her wife, Leah, and now they were a big, happy family. Voldemort was as dead as he could get, and all of the remaining death eaters were rounded up and thrown in Azkaban. 

Without the threat of impending doom on his shoulders, Harry found that he was turning into an actual teenager. Sure, there was still the whole “chosen one” thing that he had going on, which made some people a bit starstruck around him, but other than that, things were normal. He was still best mates with Ron and Hermione, Dumbledore was still a bit wacky, Snape was still greasy, and Draco Malfoy was still a prick. Apparently, Hermione dating Pansy made no change to Draco’s feelings for Harry, he was just as mean and twisted as he’d always been. But Harry didn’t care, not really, it was just Malfoy. 

The flames in the fireplace whirred as Sirius stepped through, clutching a brown bag full of ice cream cartons. Remus followed shortly after, a stack of books threatening to fall out of his grasp. 

“Daddy! Paddy!” Teddy screeched, running towards the two men at full speed. 

Harry snorted at the new nickname for Sirius that he had taught Teddy the week before, it annoyed Sirius to no end but he couldn’t get Teddy to stop saying it. 

Sirius smiled weakly, “how about papa? Or just pads?” 

Teddy shook his head, “no, _Paddy,_ ” he giggled. 

“Burning you off the wall,” he growled at Harry, shoving his arm playfully. Harry smiled cheekily, continuing his work at the spaghetti that was nearly finished. 

“Smells good, prongslet,” Remus smiled as he sat his stack of books on the counter, “but I suppose it always does.” 

“Better than mum’s s’ghetti,” Teddy said, his face quite serious, “her’s ‘mells like rotten cheese.” 

“That’s not nice, Teddy,” Remus sang, “but it is true,” he muttered under his breath, causing Sirius to snort. 

Dinner went on as usual, with sly banter and retellings of what everyone did that day. It was comfortable, and homey and everything that Harry had ever wanted. To others, it might seem boring, but to him, it was perfect. 

“So, are you taking your laptop to Hogwarts this year? Dumbledore has finally perfected the wifi and charging stations,” Remus asked over dessert. 

Harry shrugged, “I suppose I will. I’ll probably be too busy to use it, but I can skype with Teddy that way.” 

“Yes! Bring your ‘puter! You gotta!” Teddy whined, gripping onto Harry’s arm. 

“Only for you,” Harry laughed. 

With dinner finished, and Teddy in bed, Harry finally got around to packing for Hogwarts, something he’d put off for the last few weeks (as per usual). Sirius laid sprawled on his bed, playing with his phone. 

“Are you going to get a new boyfriend this year?” he asked casually. 

“I don’t know, maybe a girlfriend, maybe a boyfriend, maybe neither,” Harry shrugged. 

“I just don’t want you to give up because you and Cedric didn’t work out.” 

Harry sighed, “I’m not giving up.” 

“I haven’t found anybody!” Harry sniffed, “maybe my person isn’t at Hogwarts, maybe they’re a muggle.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “you really think you could have a serious relationship with a muggle?” 

“Well, yeah, they’re people too, aren’t they?” 

“Of course, nothing against muggles. It’s just you’d have to either keep magic a complete secret or tell them everything up front, makes things a bit complicated.” 

Harry sighed, he knew his godfather was right, he also knew the likelihood of him falling in love with a random muggle was extremely rare. 

“I just want you to be happy, Hari,” Sirius whispered. 

Harry smiled at the use of his true name, “I know, and I am. Don’t worry so much about me.” 

“I’ll always worry too much about you, that’s what I’m here for,” Sirius smiled. 

“Ugh, so sappy,” Harry jeered, rolling his eyes, “it’s getting too weepy in here.” 

“Of course it is! This is your last year of school, you’re going to be a _real_ adult!” 

“Don’t remind me,” Harry groaned. He was still undecided as to what he wanted to do after school, he had enough money that he’d never have to work a day in his life but that certainly didn’t interest him. There was always the aurors, Kingsley and Tonks were practically begging him to join, or healing which was what Sirius was cheering on. Other than that, there was another list of endless possibilites, there was someone everywhere who wanted nothing more than to work with the boy who lived. 

“No matter what you do, we’ll be proud of you,” Sirius reminded him for the umpteenth time. 

“Even if I become a stripper?” 

“Even if you become a stripper.” 


End file.
